party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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