There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
