Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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