He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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