I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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