I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
