the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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