Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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