I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
