your parents love me but you hate me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
