i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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