I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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