is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
