I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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