Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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