I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
