Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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