Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
