this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just forgot I was standing up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
