Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
