so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
