I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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