what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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