his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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