she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
