Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
