How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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