Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
