yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
