There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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