she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
