so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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