Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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