Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
