this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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