I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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