My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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