need another drink. this is the easiest way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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