I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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