Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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