so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
