i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
