Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
a search helicopter?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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