What a fucking waste of an outfit
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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