When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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