he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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