What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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