i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
