She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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