I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
