i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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