you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
