I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
